Why do women hate other women?



Call me a traitor to my gender but women can be vicious, paranoid, and cruel to each other. It's something I've seen in every job I have worked at and every group of women I have been out with.  Young or old, it's rife and it's something left over from our schooldays when the popular girls would gossip behind each others backs.  Everyone would put down the overweight, speccy, geeky kids and there was some one-up-man-ship over who was going out with who and who had the best stuff.  It's something in our society women don't completely grow out of and this is becoming a very worrying trend and a negative message we are sending to all girls that this is the way to get ahead.

As a tomboy growing up, I missed out on relationships with girls as I tended to hang out with boys.  The difference between the way men interact and the way women do is very interesting.  Guys tend to do one of three things when they feel threatened.  They take the piss out of the person to their face in a harmless but telling way.  Failing that, they tell them straight why they are pissed off or they just ignore them and get on with the Biro tower they have been making since Tuesday.  I'm not saying that guys do not get hung up over things or worrying if they look good, are doing a good enough job, are good in bed, etc.  Some would even stab each other in the back just to get the last sandwich but they tend to be more direct.  They don't calculate the way women do or inflict long term cruelty.  They don't make long winded excuses why what they are doing is not mean.  "I think the guy is a c**t".  End.  It is in this that women are far colder. 

I've seen all sorts of excuses used for being cruel about another woman and they are almost the same. I've seen feminism used as an excuse to degrade someone who is attractive and girlie.  Having kids is also a big excuse, ether having them or not as if you are a martyr to your womb.  If you have them, women without them haven't a clue what real hardship is like (yourself being right up there with the women in the Congo because you have to do the school run).  If you are childless, women with them use them as excuses and why should you cover for them in life? You have more important things like buying cake.  The excuses get beyond silly and the worse part is it even affects well meaning women who are usually very kind and caring.  There will be women reading this now who will not release that they have done the same.  Even I myself have no idea if I have ever really hurt another woman in my fear of making female friends.  The cruelty only registers to one person.  The woman on the receiving end.

Why do we do this?  It's because from a very early age, women are already encouraged to compete with one another.  If we are not the prettiest, the smartest, the most talented, we feel not worthy and not good enough.  Then as we become teens, we discover a way to get rid of those unwanted feelings and that is by putting each other down.  Look at some of the industries geared towards women.  Beauty, fashion, and health and fitness.  It's all about being the best of the best, outshining others, achieving all your goals, and winning over any man you desire.  Who the hell in real life has the time and money to do all this?  Even feminism has affected our attitude as we feel this means we must have everything.  The perfect job and family life.  I guarantee all of you there is no such thing as a woman with a high powered job AND emotionally stable children. Sorry but it's true and the sooner we get this, the sooner we can actually relax and enjoy life.

At the end of the day, all female backstabbing, gossip, and cruelty boils down to our own insecurity.  We need to stop listening to people telling us we need all these things to make us happy and accept the fact we have so much already.  Real feminism is about support, not putting women down.  The point behind it is we now have the right to choose what we want.  Many women in the world still do not get those choices so let's be grateful and start to like each other again.

Sorting out my piggy bank.

I recently, for the first time in my life, opened an ISA.  I think my Bank manager needed CPR afterwards.  My bank is not used to seeing my money actually stick around.  I am the generic girl in the fact I do like to shop and would rather have new shiny things than worry about the future.  Granted, I am not just throwing money around.  Having been used to have to watch every penny, I know every bargain hunting trick in the book short of selling my body for a bag of chips.  I just happen to stock up. 

I'll buy three of something in case it break or if it's a gift, I have one for myself and something for eBay in years to come.  Yes, I do buy popular items to sell later when they become collectible with sounds a good idea but not when you suddenly find the attic groaning under the weight of Barbies and Tamagotchis.  I buy beauty products but because I am fussy about animal testing, I find myself getting handmade, thigh rolled, all natural products that cost a fortune as instead of chemicals, it contains some extract only found in the plant that grows in Uma Thurman's armpit or something.  I also have an addiction to US food and have happily forked out £10.00 for cereal for "special occasions".

I spoil the dog too.  A habit I gained from my last pooch who loved to be treated and pampered.  My dog get the finest treats, educational toys, and even attends doggy school with a fully qualified canine behaviourist.  I'm not rich or posh.  Fuck no.  I am a council estate baby born on the mean streets of Peckham where it's required that from six months, you learn how to walk, talk, and hot-wire a car.  She just happens to be affordable and he has behavioral needs.  Just ask the Tesco delivery driver who vaults over the gate.  Christmas is the worse time for my bank account because I hit it extremely hard.  Food, gifts, trips, Santa's bribe, it all goes out quicker than it comes in.  I've spent many years scraping by surrounded by junk while the future me looks back in time from her cat filled cardboard house slurping soup made from newspaper and spit wondering why did I need sixteen bottles of dog shampoo in assorted scents?

Recent events have spurred me into looking out for my future.  For a start, I am at the point in life where many girls my age have mortgages, cars, and babies.  The single life is awesome but one day in the future, I may find myself in a position where money is tight.  My Mother went through this herself having blown all her money before meeting my Father and having me which led to some really crap jobs she had to take.  The other thing is while I don't have children, I do have a Father who has every illness under the sun but an incurable allergy to medical advice.  Diabetes to him is a sissy term for people who are scared of cake.  If something was to happen to me - a chocolate choking incident or an accident from trying to take out Chris Martin, he will need help and support and so will my doggy who will naturally get the bulk of my estate to spend on rawhide.

So off to the bank I went to meet a man who looked scarily like Stephen Merchant who talked to me about ISAs and upgrades and internet banking while I signed forms for insurance and looked blankly, hoping he did not figure out that all that was going on in my head was a monkey in a top hat riding a Victorian penny farthing.  So it's official.  I am a grown up.  I now have to think about savings and pensions and all sorts of mind numbing adult stuff.  I will miss the days when I got a cheque and mentally spent it on peanut butter cups and iTunes.  But then I look at my loved ones and I know in the end, it will be worth it.

Ooooh nearly there.....

Am still ironing things out, putting up pretty buttons, and eating caramels.  Hopeful this blog will remain around thanks to Blogger deleting people's access to any blog created last month. 

To those who have know idea who I am, my name is Roo James and I write stuff with crayons and sometimes I even do it the right way around.   I hope this blog becomes a welcome distraction and not sometime only dipped in a couple of times and abandoned because of distraction..... (coughrandomaquariumitiscough).  Hopefully more interesting stuff will be posted soon.